I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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