If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
