shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
