We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You need Xanax blowdarts
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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