I didn't shave. On purpose
if only i could text you this smell
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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