Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
