I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
