I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
