how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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