if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Watching her eat just hurts me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
