I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
