I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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