It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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