Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
