She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
