we have pet lesbian snakes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
