Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
