He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
