worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
