Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
