i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
