I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
