So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
