My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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