He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
