You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
