I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
