I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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