I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize