i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
