the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
