I heard we made out
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
