I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
