My hand turned me down
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
