dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
