just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
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I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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