i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
