u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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