We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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