I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
