Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
