I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dick very happy bro
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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