did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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