Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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