I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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