Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
