walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
