I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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