the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
