Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
