How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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