and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
