This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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