If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
