my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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