So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
