if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm getting married
To pizza
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
