There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
