I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
