update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize