After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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