I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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