I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize