On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
