she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i think i have two assholes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
