i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
