dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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